Tuesday, March 27, 2007


Isn't it amazing how we rely on vehicles these days? I didn't know how much I really depended on mine until I didn't have it anymore. Just recently I have been having major trouble with my van. I couldn't even drive 2km without it overheating!! And no it wasn't low on coolant. First we thought it was the headgasket, but it wasn't. Then we thought it was the heater core, but it wasn't. So that helped narrow it down to the motor. Yay. Haven't even had the van 2.5 years and this is the second motor (the first one went after a month of owning it...luckily it was covered....but it was rebuilt). So here I am stuck.

But on Friday, the father-in-law went to SGI and found us a new van for a steal of a price. So Cam went and checked it out and soon I will be driving a '97 Pontiac Montana. The funny thing is that it's the exact same color of our Venture and we can use the Venture for spare parts. The only thing wrong with the Montana is the front end. The lady who owned it hit a deer.

But back to the relying on cars. I seriously never realized how much I need a vehicle. I had to find a ride for Chloe to get to preschool, a way to get the girls to dance, especially since it was their last two lessons before the recital....and even for me to go to the gym. It has now been 2 weeks since I last had a vehicle and it looks like it will be another two weeks until my new ride is safetied and ready to go. I really can't wait!! It's not fun being stranded out of town and stuck in the house. So when the van is done I will truly appreciate it enjoy my freedom!!

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Making peace....or so I thought!

So this weekend I thought I'd try and do something new. Try and make peace with someone that I just don't get along with. Got drunk and finally had the nerve to talk things out with this person. Everything went really well, we hugged and made peace....or so I thought.

It is now a few days after that night and I find out it was all a crock of shit. (Too bad, I'm using that word!!) Turns out that she went directly to the person that helped cause this mess and created a whole new mess for everyone involved...especially my little cousin. Now she's being threatened by that other person and it's just gone from a crappy situation to an even worse one. Now I feel bad because I feel that I caused this for her. I also found out other stuff that I didn't even know before.

I had only told two people about our conversation (Hubby and sister) so when I got a text today I was totally shocked that it had gotten back to her already that we had talked. So much for giving the benefit of doubt to her. All trust is forever gone. It's sad but, whatever.


Have you ever had a dream so real that you're crying in your sleep? And when you do is it a dream that you just can't wake up from? Well that's what happened to me last night. I've had dreams when I've woken mad at Cam because he was being a jerk in my dream, but never one like this...

So everything in my dream was just as it is now, us married with our 3 girls, and it was actually the girls in my dream. I could see their faces so clearly, especially Mya since she was always at my side. You know how there is always things that you didn't know about your spouse from before you were married? Well in my dream this was the situation. Cam had taken some kind of course through the Army and was told that he would never have to serve. It was to learn how to protect himself and to better himself. But nonetheless he gets a call that he has to go to war. (I know this sounds really cheesy...Cam kinda laughed...but put yourself in my shoes when you're totally out of it and seeing this as real)So now comes the time where he comes in and tells me about this. I believe this is when the tears first started to come. It was so hard having to hear that he had to leave me to go fight in something that had nothing to do with us. He was also told that he would be gone for at least 6 months on the first assignment and that depending on how he did (whether he was still alive or not) is how long he would have to actually RUN the next part which could be another 6 months. So now realizing that he would be gone for at least a year, not being able to openly talk to him, not seeing him and knowing that he would be in danger, I just lost it.

Next came to calling our parents to come over and let them know. My Mom thought we were getting divorced due to how upset I was on the phone. His parents we had to phone on their cell and take them out of Bibly study (how much more real can this get?) and get them over to our house. Once those calls were over we were planning our last night together as a family. Whether or not we should take them on rides at the carnival and how we should tell them.

And during this whole time I was crying and just couldn't wake up. When I finally did it was because of his alarm clock going off. I still had tears in my eyes and my pillow was fairly damp. All I wanted was just to lay in his arms for awhile. But being that he had to get ready for work, this couldn't happen for long. But I definitely felt better after our 5 minutes of cuddle time.

I'm very grateful that I never have to go through this in real life. I couldn't imagine actually being one of those women, especially newlyweds, having to say good-bye to their spouse. But then again, it's something they had to consider before they got married, but still it would be hard to ever think it would actually happen.

But now it's time to shake this dream from my mind, because it just wasn't enjoyable. And to top things off, I woke up with a sore throat and stuffed up nose. What else is going to happen today? Oh yeah!! My van is still busted and looks like I might need a new motor!! Lucky me, home bound again. What a day this has started out to be! And it's only 8am!!

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

It was nice!!

So this past weekend there was a fundraising dance in our town for the firedepartment. It included a supper, silent auction and a dance, and also a bar that drinks cost only $3!! That's rare now adays for alcohol. But that's besides the point. So on Friday I had drove to meet my cousin half way so I could pick up me other cousin to be my babysitter for the weekend. So that took up all of Friday pretty much, but we came home and had some beers and stayed up until around 1am. In my life that's a pretty late night. Usually we're in bed by midnight. So Saturday we leave for this dance at around 6:30pm. A lot of Cam's family was there so we had some good visits with them (an Aunt in particular shocked me with her take on the family and a cousin who just became engaged!! But that's for another time). Then the dance started and Cam actually danced with me quite a few times during the night. I was impressed. So here I am drinking my vodka and 7's not feeling a thing, even after 10!! That's not me at all!! So the dance ends at 2am and with my cousin stayying over there is no need to rush home, but we decided to go home anyway...but just long enough to get some beer to take to his brothers for a party. So the beer actually hits me and I start feeling drunk. But we didn't end up coming back home until around 6am!! I was so shocked about how late we actually stayd out! The only other time that we have stayed out that late was....at Brad & Laura's party, but we were staying there so it made a difference. I was so proud of us but also disappointed in us because we had made plans at the beginning of the dance to go for lunch at his uncle's for 12:30pm. So there we are going for a visit hung over with 4 hours of sleep. To top that off we still had to drive 1.5 hours to take my cousin home!! It was a long day and we paid for it by going to bed by 9:30 that night. What an intesting night!

Monday, March 5, 2007

becoming normal

So this is something that has been driving me nuts for the last few weeks........ coming off of the pill.

So the hubby and I are officially done having kids. No going back now, it is done. Don't get me wrong, I'm completely fine with that (as long as other people have babies for me to hold!), that's not the problem. The problem is getting my body back to normal after having been on the pill for over a year. I have never officially gone off the pill without being pregnant or soon after, so I have no idea how long it is supposed to take to "get back to normal". This is driving me absolutely insane!! It's been two months and I don't know what to expect anymore, so if anyone has advice for me, I'll gladly take it!!

Friday, March 2, 2007

And the doing something for me thing continues....

Well, as you all know from my last post, I joined the ladies gym in Warman. I sucked it up and signed up for 3 months (I know, it sounds like such a short time, but I was able to pay it in full so I don't have to worry about owing money there). I have gone there a few times no and I am loving it!!! Seriously, I've gone to other gyms before, but this is makes it easier to stay commited. There are so many positive things about it that I'm still in awe about how much I like it there!

First of all, there are actual people there to help and support you. They always come around and see how you're doing, if you have any questions and just to talk!! A gym where people actually talk to you and encourage you and where it doesn't feel like a compitition. It is so nice to be able to talk to someone, it makes the time go faster.

They have a playroom for kids with movies and everything!! The bonus is that the girls love going there to play! Already this morning Chloe is asking when I'm going to go exercise so she can go play!! That's encouraging in itself. It saves from having to pay a babysitter and Sandy (she's the woman working when I get there after lunch) will go in and play with Mya for a few minutes to get her playing. The fact that I can take the girls there and have them actually like going makes it easier for me to go during the day. The only problem is that I am attempting to change Mya's nap time because that's the time we go to the gym. It's a little challenging, but working okay so far.

The last thing that really has me encouraged to go is the actual gym itself. It has treadmills, elipticals, weights, etc..... and the circuit. So I get there, ditch the kids, go get changed, then hit the treadmill for about 10 minutes. After that I hit the circuit. This is my first time ever using a circuit, and let me say...I love it!!! It makes it so much easier to get in everything that you should be doing and it helps you be able to do it correctly. When you're working freely at a regular gym, there are so many ways to cheat and do things wrong. These machines actually help prevent you from doing that (and Sandy is always there to tell you "get your elbows up!!"). So this way I know that I am doing things correctly and that I should be able to see results. Well not right away, but eventually.

I'm so excited about doing this that I had to tell the hubby. Of course he was concerned about the expense, but when I told him it was paid for with my splurge money, he was good about it. You know it was nice hearing that he's proud of me for doing it for me. I did it all on my own and didn't wait for anyone to nag me about it. I just couldn't keep it to myself anymore, and why should I? I'm doing something that I want to do and I am enjoying it alot!! I just keep telling him about all of these machines that I've been using and what I'm doing, and it's just great to hear positive feedback.

But I am a little nervous to go today. Today is the day that I think every woman dreads....being wieghed and measured. I really don't want to face the reality about how big I really am (I like the vision in my mind) but I know I have to so I can see results and look back at "how far I've come"......when I actually get there! So it will be worth it in the end.

So, that's my update for now! Still motivated and super excited about my decision!

So I'm off in a few hours to work my butt off again....and hopefully it does just that!!