Wednesday, March 21, 2007


Have you ever had a dream so real that you're crying in your sleep? And when you do is it a dream that you just can't wake up from? Well that's what happened to me last night. I've had dreams when I've woken mad at Cam because he was being a jerk in my dream, but never one like this...

So everything in my dream was just as it is now, us married with our 3 girls, and it was actually the girls in my dream. I could see their faces so clearly, especially Mya since she was always at my side. You know how there is always things that you didn't know about your spouse from before you were married? Well in my dream this was the situation. Cam had taken some kind of course through the Army and was told that he would never have to serve. It was to learn how to protect himself and to better himself. But nonetheless he gets a call that he has to go to war. (I know this sounds really cheesy...Cam kinda laughed...but put yourself in my shoes when you're totally out of it and seeing this as real)So now comes the time where he comes in and tells me about this. I believe this is when the tears first started to come. It was so hard having to hear that he had to leave me to go fight in something that had nothing to do with us. He was also told that he would be gone for at least 6 months on the first assignment and that depending on how he did (whether he was still alive or not) is how long he would have to actually RUN the next part which could be another 6 months. So now realizing that he would be gone for at least a year, not being able to openly talk to him, not seeing him and knowing that he would be in danger, I just lost it.

Next came to calling our parents to come over and let them know. My Mom thought we were getting divorced due to how upset I was on the phone. His parents we had to phone on their cell and take them out of Bibly study (how much more real can this get?) and get them over to our house. Once those calls were over we were planning our last night together as a family. Whether or not we should take them on rides at the carnival and how we should tell them.

And during this whole time I was crying and just couldn't wake up. When I finally did it was because of his alarm clock going off. I still had tears in my eyes and my pillow was fairly damp. All I wanted was just to lay in his arms for awhile. But being that he had to get ready for work, this couldn't happen for long. But I definitely felt better after our 5 minutes of cuddle time.

I'm very grateful that I never have to go through this in real life. I couldn't imagine actually being one of those women, especially newlyweds, having to say good-bye to their spouse. But then again, it's something they had to consider before they got married, but still it would be hard to ever think it would actually happen.

But now it's time to shake this dream from my mind, because it just wasn't enjoyable. And to top things off, I woke up with a sore throat and stuffed up nose. What else is going to happen today? Oh yeah!! My van is still busted and looks like I might need a new motor!! Lucky me, home bound again. What a day this has started out to be! And it's only 8am!!