Camping

So me and my little family are going camping this weekend. First time ever going camping with Cam or the girls!! I actually haven't slept in a tent for at least 10 years!!! Makes me kinda nervous!! To actually be totally prepared to sleep outside, especially when there's a chance of rain for tomorrow!! And for the girls to still sleep with a night light. Should make for an interesting weekend!!

But honestly, I am extremely excited!! I love just being at the lake. Whether we're sitting around the fire, swimming, fishing or sometimes hiking, it's just great to be able to be outside away from the zaniness of our world. To be able to spend time with my family without being pre-occupied by work or something else that happens to come up.

So here's to an awesome long weekend to all!!

Grandma

I don't know why, but my brain has been working major overtime lately. I like to think. No, let me rephrase that. I love to think, but lately it's been coming to me at such bad times that I don't really want to let it in. I've also been very emotional and I find myself crying at the silliest things!! But I feel that it is just a phase that should be over soon.....hopefully.

I have been thinking a lot about my Grandma. She has been diagnosed with bone cancer. It is in both her soine and her pelvis, which causes her alot of pain. Now, my Grandma and I haven't ever really been close. Too many cousins to compete with and also because of when I was pregnant with my first child (many things were said that I didn't appreciate). She's celebrating her 89th birthday on Thursday, so we were at her house on Saturday for party. By the time we left, Grandma had become very emotional, and was losing her breath from her sobs. It really made me worry about her and what was to come. But one thing that really stuck with me was when I was hugging her. She actually said she loved me!! This is not something that I have heard from my Grandma in well over 10 years!! Just that alone made me well up. But now after seeing her with my own eyes, I truely know how she is doing.

Because of her age they can't do treatments. The most they can do is give her this pill that will help contain it to those areas, with a smaller chance of it spreading. So now it is my personal goal to make sure I talk with her as much as I possibly can. She really doesn't seem like she's doing too well and that really scares me. This is not her first bout with cancer either. She had breast cancer about 14 years ago. But she is a survivor. I know she is. And I know that she will fight this one to the very end....

Figuring things out

This past summer has been extremely busy for me. We've been out on the road quite a bit, busy with things while at home and I loved every minute of it. But with everything that went on, it wasn't necessarily the things that we did that I remembered. It was questions that arose that really stuck with me. I really got to thinking about may things that have happened in my life and things that I wish that I could have answers to.

One thing that arose came through Facebook. This is something that I do because I love how it allows me to keep in touch with people I haven't talked to in years. But also with this, it arose a situation that I didn't think I would have to face for a very long time... my ex joined the craze. Now normally this wouldn't be a problem (it's not like he's my only ex that's on there), it's the fact that he's the father of my eldest that makes it a problem for me.

He chose not to be involved in her life at all. It bothers me but at the same time it doesn't. I am very happily married and my husband treats my daughter extremely well. He treats her like one of his own. If he didn't we wouldn't be together. But what bothers me is other things. I'm not exactly sure how to go about this, but I'm going to try my absolute best.

~The first thing that really bothers me is knowing that he has another child. Knowing that my daughter has a half sister out there that she doesn't know is one thing that really bothers me. Also the fact that she doesn't know her real dad, grandparents, aunts or cousins. Don't get me wrong, she has a great family. My in-laws have also accepted her as theirs, but at the same time it's not the same. This kinda runs into #2.

~I can't understand what made him own up and be a father to this second little girl, but not to my daughter. How can you know that you have a daughter out there and not want to know anything about her or want to have anything to do with her?? This is the thing that bothers me the most. This is one thing that makes me want to cry. Knowing that her real father and his family wanted nothing to do with her. When I was still in the hospital after giving birth to her, his mom came in to see her and I, and after holding her and asking to be a part of her life....I never heard from her again after that day. When Cam used to play hockey I dreaded going to Shellbrook for their games. His brother-in-law plays for that team, so I always saw his sister during the games. She would stare at me and Madison, and I would get so uncomfortable that I would have to get up and leave. It makes me wonder. Do they ever think about her or is she just a lost memory to them? Do they not see how much she resembles him??

~He was an ass to me during my whole pregnancy. Totally avoided me. I think we talked two or three times throughout. I was so pissed at him and so were most of our friends. No one talked to him for years. But this is where the Facebook thing comes in. The reason that I knew he joined this thing was because he was added as a friend by some of my friends. Seeing his name on there made my heart stop. I haven't seen or heard from him in four years. So for his name to come up like that...it made me cry. For his profile picture he has his little girl. But it ticked me off more than anything to see him added as a friend by my friends. I felt betrayed. I know I shouldn't. What happened between us has nothing to do with them. But still I can't help but feel this way. I didn't talk to my brother for a long time because they still talked after she was born.

Do I have the right to be feeling this way? Is it normal? Are any of my feeling just? I think that I should just get over it all, but I just don't know how. It's something I want to get past, but I just don't know how. If there is any advice out there for me, I'd gladly take it right about now.

Jealousy

So lately I have been thinking alot about jealousy. I never realized that there are so many different ways to be jealous!! Well I did but I didn't. I must admit that I have been feeling the little tings of jealousy rising within me over some silly little things.

To be jealous over seeing people I know going places. I am so jealous because I haven't really been anywhere. I go out to the west coast every other year, but I have never really gone far. I would love to be able to go on a big trip somewhere, so when I see so many beautiful pictures of other peoples trips, I start seeing a little green. But I feel that this is a good jealousy. It's not the kind where you want "revenge" on someone. I am extremely happy for those who travel, I just wish it was me.

I am jealous of some peoples jobs. But then I sit down and think about it and I'm happy with my career choice, and I'm happy to be staying at home with my girls. I'm sure that these people that I see and think they have a good career might be thinking the same about other people. So what am I jealous about? Who's to say that if I did that job I would be happy? And why make myself miserable when there is no need.

Jealous of ex's. Ok. this is a huge one for me to deal with. I am a very jealous person when it comes to this topic of jealousy. Why does it bother me so much? My husband has been talking with a girl from his past. To know that they're talking and to know their history just bothers me. I have no idea what it is exactly. I'm not scared of anything happening, but I think it's just knowing stuff like that and realizing that I'm not the only one who has been a part of his life. Sounds stupid doesn't it? I'm trying to get past this, but it is taking a little bit of work.

So that's my little blurb for today. Let me know of some jealousies that you may have that you find rediculous!!

Interesting Facts....

So I was tagged in a meme by I am the diva. so here it goes....

The rules are:
Each player creates a list of eight random personal facts/habits.
At the end of your post, list eight people who you want to tag to also do this meme.
People who are tagged will post these rules and write their own list of eight personal facts/habits

Here's the facts:

~I am a very family oriented type of person. Family means the world to me, whether it's imediate family or cousins.

~Since being at home I find that I am starting to watch Oprah. This is one thing I swore I would never do, but some things she does are interesting to watch and other days I can't find the remote to change the channel so I end up watching it anyways.

~I tend to overthink just about everything. Because of this I usually have trouble sleeping and end up getting stressed out over silly things. It usually takes me an hour to fall asleep at night.

~I love to go fishing!! I just love the thrill of the fight and being able to be out on a boat, enjoying a beautiful day and spending time with the people around me. But I only do catch and release.

~I don't care for ritzy food. Seafood, fish, steak (I do like steak, but rarely get it cooked the way I like it, medium well...and pink is disgusting to me, so I just don't order it), etc... I would much rather have a burger, pasta anything else. I like simple food. Just can't aquire the taste for that other stuff.

~I like to keep things that have memories. I still have pretty much all the notes friends gave to me in grade 7,8 & 9.

~I love to take pictures. I'm trying to widen my horizon by taking pictures of different things. I am really enjoying taking scenery pictures and am trying some animal pictures but find that my zoom isn't as good as I thought it was.

~I love to sing. Singing just makes me feel good. whether it's an upbeat song or a slower one, I just love to sing. No matter how I'm feeling there's a song to suite my mood. I did take voice lessons for a year, but then bacame busy with other things to continue.


Now I'm supposed to tag people to do this as well....so here's a couple.

Mary's View
Midnight Mary
On My Two Feet
KDawn
Chris

and whomever else is reading that I don't know about!!

enjoy!

My Pride....

Hello everyone!! I know that it has been a very long time since my last post. But with it being summertime, I have become very busy. With ball going on for Madison, and also for Cam & I, amongst many other things, I find myself being very busy lately. So I will try to make more time for my blogging, but somedays I just feel like I have nothing to write about. Being a homemaker doesn't make my life the most interesting. Most days just consists of me doing chores around the house, being with the kids, running to the store for something for supper, or whatever else that day throws at me. But all in all, it's a daily routine for me and I would feel bored if I wrote about the same things day after day. So if I don't post for a little while, then that should help give you a reason as to why.

But since I am writing, you must've figured out that I have found something to write about. Today we had a ball game and I ended up leaving with a lot of pride in my team....and in myself.

Every time we play, we play two games just to help the season move along a little faster. So the first game went pretty well, the team was doing good and getting some hits. We did manage to get a homerun though!! Only wish he wasn't the first one up to bat!! We ended up winning that game 8-2.

BUT, the second game is the one that I really want to talk about. This game was awesome!! A huge boost of confidence to our whole team. First inning we managed to get in 6 runs, as well as the second inning. During this game we had two home runs... and one of them was by Cam!!! You should've seen the smile on his face!! It was a very proud moment for me to be able to see my husband nail on right over center field and out of the park!!! (for those who don't know, that is the longest distance to hit to be able to get it over the fence) Also during this game I had some really good hits. One of them went right over the pitcher and dropped down in one of the holes!! I made it home a couple of times as well. When we were in the field I was playing backcatcher. So this is the time that I must admit the reason why I play this position. There's actually a few reasons....#1 I have asthma and if I play rover in the outfield it means a lot of running, and I am scared of it acting up. #2 It helps with my throwing. I don't have a good "throwing arm" so for me to gun it in from the outfield is next to impossible for me. #3 I am afraid of the ball. I cannot play infield because I am too scared of how people throw it to me.....way too fast and sometimes not with very good aim. At home the pitcher will cover home for me when it's a major play. That's how scared I am of missing and being pegged in the head. But don't get me wrong. I do cover home when I need to, and tonight I had to do that a couple of times. But tonight when I had to cover home it was in a play that would help us win the game. Yeah thanks guys, no pressure. So here's the story. Two outs and a guy was just starting to round third for home. The ball had been thrown to third and the guy had a choice of going back and being called out or taking his chances on running home and me missing the ball so he would be safe. So there's me covering home, praying for him not to run so I wouldn't be put in that postition (did I mention that I had missed a couple of throws already that game???). But of course he makes a run for it, and the next thing I know the third basemen is throwing the ball to me!!! Crap, crap, crap is all that's going through my head! I still don't know how, but I managed to catch the ball!!! It was a perfect throw and I just happened to be on the plate. I swear I acted like a little school girl after he was called out!! Diva, you would've been laughing at me!! There I was jumping up and down and celebrating my catch that ended the game in the 5th inning. We ended up winning that game 18-3!! In our rules, you can't get more than seven runs in one inning, and since we were up by more than 14, we were given the game. It was nice having the team come up to me and pat me on the back for my play.

So that's my big story, and I hope that you enjoyed it. I'm still sitting here smiling remembering about the game. We play again on Tuesday and our team is going into it with a pride after two awesome wins!! We needed that boost of confidence. I am just really proud to be a part of such a wonderul team. And once again, I didn't need to use my inhaler!!!

Tis that season again

Well welcome back to spring everyone! I know its been here for awhile but now that most of the water has dried up its time to start up all of the sports again.

Madison had her first ever ball practice last night and she had a lot of fun. She has a great arm and can hit a ball pitched to her, but since its her first year of ball she has to start in T-ball, which is fine since she needs to learn how to catch with a ball glove. She knows how to catch, but doesn't really know how to use her glove quite yet. The other thing is because she's always been pitched to, she has to take it back a step and get used to using the T. But it'll be a good thing for her to start at this level, give her the basics to the game.

Then there's Cam and I. We started our slo-pitch on Monday. And I must say I am extremely sore still!!! It's Wednesday morning and it's still tender for me to move certain ways. And no, I am not just being a wimp. When we play ball, we play two games at a time. So after two and a half hours moving in ways you haven't moved for close to a year, you get a little stiff. The other thing is we usually have a couple extra girls and have to take turns. When doing this, you only play about one game in total. We had no extra girls this time. I was backcatcher so that also lead to a lot of squats. Interesting how you think you use your legs, but after doing that many squats its easy to see how little you do!! Also I didn't get any shin splints. But I'm glad for one thing. I have asthma and only had to use my inhaler once!!! I'm very proud of myself for that, especially because I made it home at least three times!! It was a great time and we won both of our games. We play again on Saturday and I'm really looking forward to it.

So here's to a healthy summer!!